My car is a disaster after a busy summer of running here and there and farther than there. Sippy cups, sunflower seeds, half consumed bottles of this and that, shoes, bags, toys, books . . .
Our house is not terribly messy except for those few places that most people don't see so you put stuff you don't have time to deal with . . . like my desk, closets, the office, the laundry room . . . Summer clothes, fall clothes, work clothes, clean clothes, dirty clothes, clothes to donate, clothes to keep.
My work office is ridiculous. Trying to get oriented after a year away is one thing, but trying to find things after someone else has been in your space for a year is another.
Even my insides feel messy this week. My brain and my heart have been on overload trying to process all of the changes at home and happenings in our circle of friends. I have tried to let myself cry when I need to cry and to pull it together when it's no longer appropriate to cry . . . Like the post office, for one. (Oops! I tried!)
And although I hate mess . . . and am often quite uncomfortable with mess . . . sometimes you just have to live with it. Tonite for example, I had time to clean my car, but not if it meant missing the chance to fly a kite with my family in the yard. And when mailing my packages this week, it didn't really matter that I couldn't stop crying. I have confirmation that my packages arrived at their destinations which was the goal. (Giving the cashier a story to share at the dinner table was just an added bonus I guess!)
Today at work, I had lots to do and it would have been easy close my door to shut out all of my co-worker friends so that I could get more done. Instead, I left the door open, got lots of warm hellos, big hugs, and reconnected with friends I had forgotten how much I had missed. And after the small talk, I learned from some that their lives had moved in a variety of directions since I had seen them last, and some are now dealing with their own messes. And when asked by those who really do want to know how my year off was, it's hard to find the right words . . . because although it was an absolutely amazing year with my family . . . the year has also left me a bit more fragile and broken hearted . . . and a bit of a mess.
Life is messy . . . but if you aren't careful, you will miss the part that is incredibly good!
