I'll Love You Forever

One of our favorite bedtime stories and lullabies is "Love You Forever".  I don't know how many times I have read it and I cry every time.  Then we sing:

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My baby (or we improvise by adding Pinky, Rosie, Mommy, Daddy) you will be.

(To the tune of "Sent Forth by God's Blessing")

The last day we saw you, we sang this with you.  What a treasured memory we have, singing to you, our dear Jean.  But how to pick just one word for you?  There isn't one word that can sum up what we are . . . 

Growing up, any time someone in our house was sick or hurt, we insisted my mom call you.  You were a nurse, we knew you must have all of the answers.  As a college student and still as an adult I would call for advice about myself or my kids.  “Pinky has a hand full of slivers, what do we do?”  “Rosie has a noodle in her nose, what do we do?”  It’s mono, it’s broken, it’s cancer, what do we do?  It wasn’t just your medical advice we were seeking, although some of your suggestions were entertaining, it was your reassurance that it was going to be ok.  And the prayers that we knew would follow the call.  

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My nurse you will be.

Up until the day that you took your last breath, you have been teaching us lessons about life, faith, and friendship.  Weather it was in the church basement during a Sunday School lesson, or around your kitchen table, you were teaching us through laughter and tears.  Silly pranks, riddles, songs, and games were all part of your repertoire and we loved any chance to learn and experience a new one.  As we sat beside you just days ago, holding your hand a sharing songs and kisses, you were teaching us about living and dying, about peace and grace, and about a faith stronger than no other.

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My teacher you will be.

Most people would probably say that a distance of 4 miles is too great to call one a neighbor.  But few people lived closer, and the short drive to your house was one we knew well.  We loved stopping at your house on our way to or from town.  We would almost hold our breath in anticipation of feeling the car start to decelerate, indicating what could never be a quick stop at your house.  Even if we were running to the “Sevre store”, we knew you would have more than a cup of sugar or a stick of butter to offer. 

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My neighbor you will be.

It’s been said by many that you were not afraid to ask questions. And you weren’t. It’s been said that you could get information out of just about anyone.  And you could.  You also held those you loved to a high moral standard.  You expected honesty, integrity, and respect from those you loved, and you gave back the same.  One might mistake this for expecting perfection, but you were helping many of us to understand our role as responsible, caring, contributing, Jesus-loving individuals.  I maybe didn’t always understand or appreciate your lessons at the time, but you helped mold me into the person I am today.

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My mentor you will be.

My mom has said over and over “Jean has taught us a lot about friendship.”  What a friend you have been to all of us.  We have a lifetime of memories of fun times together.  Slumber parties and play dates at your house.  Road trips to Medora, rodeos, parades, ball games, and concerts.  Game nights, movie nights, bonfires, and coffee breaks. Don’t forget the rocky road ice cream!  How many nights were spent laughing around your kitchen table or a bonfire in our back yard?  So many, and yet not nearly enough. How many times did you help with painting and wallpapering projects at our house?  How many home permanents were given in one of our kitchens?  How many times were you the first to show up with a hug or a phone call when we needed it? 

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My friend you will be.

Two of my favorite pictures of the 2 of us together are true examples of our relationship.  The first, a picture of me “helping” you wash dishes when I was a little girl.   There we were, having fun together on an ordinary day doing an ordinary task, one of many ordinary days that were made so much brighter because we were together.  But more importantly, you were loving on me, post-“accident” and pants-less, in spite of my flaws and imperfections.  I’m sure it wasn’t the first time and I know it wasn’t the last that you loved me in spite of the messes I had made.  The second picture is of the 2 of us holding hands on Jessica’s wedding day, our last big celebration together.  Baptisms, birthdays, graduations, baby showers, wedding showers, weddings, and anniversaries.  All made more special because we celebrated together and because we had spent hours helping each other prepare for the special occasions.  You have been such an important part of my life that the line between friend and family has become very gray.  You were the first to teach me that love can trump biology.

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My family you will be.

There isn’t a single word that can describe the relationship we’ve shared.   There isn’t a single part of my life that you haven’t been a part of.  It has been such an honor to get to share life’s most cherished moments with you.  It has been an absolute blessing to have had you beside me during the hard times.  I can’t thank you enough for all of the guidance, laughter and love.  Your life was one of God’s greatest gifts to mine. 

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My Jean the Bean you will be.

Too, Two, 2 much fun!

I texted my mom a picture of Rosie the other day and her reply was that she was looking so grown up.  That couldn't be more true!

She's getting taller. (Although she is holding strong at 24 pounds.)

She's lost that baby face.  (Although we're still waiting for a few teeth to grow in and fill that smile.)

Her hair is filling in.  (Although we have to keep the back trimmed to prevent the mullet look.)

Her facial expressions are expanding and are completely hilarious.

Her behavior is completely typical of a very busy, strong-willed, 2-year-old. (Although her sister finds her to be mostly annoying and less than typical.)

She's talking all of the time.  Mostly in directives or commands "get it", "stop it", "sit there".  (On the 4th of July, it was "Mom, pug your ears.  Mom!  Mom!  MOM, pug your ears!")  Yes, she is also putting together 4-5 word sentences that actually make sense and are often very loud.  And she is recalling and telling things that have happened during the day.  This once shy little babe has come out of her shell this summer and enjoys greeting and visiting with everyone she sees.

She loves to be held. (Although primarily when I am trying to make dinner, fold laundry, wash dishes, type an email, etc.)  Otherwise she is on the go!  Nonstop!  I tell people she is busy and they just smile at me like "uh-huh, sure".  Then they see her in action and they realize "busy" is a bit of an understatement.  I keep hoping to find her a shirt that reads "constant supervision required".   I wish I could bottle her energy and sell it, or at least transfer some of it to me.  She wears me out and I love every minute of it.  (Although I still need a nap when she's napping!)

She loves her sister and pushing her sister's buttons, which she is VERY good at.  (Although her sister doesn't enjoy it or appreciate it.)  I am cautiously optimistic that they will be good friends one day as I do catch glimpses of them playing together nicely once in a while.

She is absolutely adorable and I love every busy, loud, sweet, sassy, inquisitive, funny inch of her!

Playing with her big sister

Blowing Kisses

The girl loves shoes.  Any shape, size or color!

Too, Two, 2 much fun!

Tuesdays

We have reserved Tuesdays as special days at our house this summer.  It's the one day of the week that Rosie heads off to daycare and Pinky and I are left to do "big girl" things.  The only thing on the schedule on Tuesdays is Piano Lessons (and Playtown in the morning if we have "time").  After that we are on our own.

Last Tuesday we hit up the library and Tutti Fruiti.  Today we played Frozen Monopoly and painted toe nails before doing a little shopping for new yoga pants.  Other days we have met Daddy for lunch, red books in the hammock, and done some baking.  And of course, at the end of each Tuesday the line I hear is "Mom, do you know what we should do next week?"

It's crazy how fast the day goes.  It's been so much fun having that time just for Pinky.  We both need it.  I love having the chance to listen to her stories and appreciate her sense of humor and imagination.

At the end of the day, Pinky can't wait to get to church to pick up her sister.  (Although I think she is more excited that we usually stop to visit her friends while we are there.)

Tuesdays are good!

Tuesdays are special!

Tuesdays are going too fast!

Piano lessons with Miss Penny

She always chooses Elsa and she usually wins!

"For Pete's Sake"

Pinky's 5th birthday just happened to be the same day that the NDSU Bison won their forth straight national championship.  They're calling at a 4-Peat.  "For Pete's sake" just happens to be one our 5 year old's favorite sayings at the moment.

In church over Christmas I hear her little, but clearly ticked voice say "For Pete's sake mom, your sitting on my treats."  Excuse me little one . . . and where did you learn that?  Probably from the same person who taught her "good grief". 

Today after school she was telling me about a classmate with a little booboo who was "literally bleeding on her finger".  Literally?  Did she just say literally?  She's 5!

Do you like how I keep repeating that she's 5 . . . Maybe if I repeat it enough it will start to sink in?  Maybe?  

She's getting invitations to birthday parties and everyone is her best friend (EVERYONE)!  She asks to have play dates and can't understand WHY all of her best friends couldn't come to her birthday party.  (I am pretty sure she verbally invited everyone in her class to her family party.  Oops!)

We are halfway through her last year of preschool, and although she would have started kindergarten today if we had let her, I'm not quite as ready as she is.  She loves school and she is excited about learning.  Letters, letter sounds, rhyming, counting, adding.  It's so much fun to watch her figure things out and then ask me if I might happen to know what she has figured out as if it is quite possible she thinks she's the first to know:  "Hey mom, did you know that 4 + 4 is 8?"  

Pinky is also in the middle of her 2nd year of swimming, which she attends 1 time a week most of the fall, through the winter and into the spring.  A year ago she needed to use a life jacket and/or a pool noodle to keep her afloat.  She hated getting her face wet.  She didn't want to blow bubbles if she had to put her nose in the water.  And she needed lots and lots of help "swimming" across the pool.  Today, her dad and I watched her do two different back strokes and a front stroke across the pool multiple times completely unaided.  A-Ma-Zing!  

Oct. 2014 - Just hanging out on her noodle
(which she doesn't need anymore!)

This week, Miss Pinky is starting another learning adventure.  Piano lessons.  She loves to tinker on the piano.  I'll be curious to see how she likes "Little Mozarts".  

A few stats for our 5 year old:

40ish pounds

Size 6 clothes - Favorite clothes - fleece sweatpants and a tshirt

Size 12 shoes - Favorite shoes - tennis shoes or bare foot

Favorite foods - cheese, marshmallows, cheese quesadillas

Favorite activities - watching TV (Mickey Mouse, Wild Kratts, Octonauts); coloring, writing, drawing; helping with projects; reading books

Favorite animal - ALL of them!

Helping make her giraffe
costume for halloween

She just wrapped up a pretty fun-filled year and has an even bigger year ahead!  I have a feeling 5's going to be a lot of fun! 

Toddler Tales

There's another little girl at my house . . . Gone is the baby girl who used to occupy our crib.  In her place is a very busy toddler.  

Stats:

19 months old

22 pounds

Size 18 month clothes

11 teeth (but a couple more are getting close)

10 little fingers that grab, reach, and find nearly anything there is to find

2 little feet that do not stop . . . EVER!

Favorites:

Food - cheese, cookies, candy, chips, DIP (aka "bip")

Drink - water (although she is finally drinking straight up whole milk)

Clothing - socks and shoes

Book - Brown Bear and Llama Llama books

Toy - Baby dolls and accessories, colors and stickers

Activity - running, dancing, climbing, and getting in her sister's "space"

And, because I am who I am and I do what I do, I have to give an update on her growing vocabulary!  If I were writing her IEP, it might read something like this:

"Rosie's expressive and expressive language skills continue to grow.  Expressively, she has more than 100 words.  She uses expressive language to initiate, comment, ask questions, answer questions, give commands, and formulate greetings.  She speaks primarily in 1-2 word utterances but does produce 3 word utterances on occasion (such as "where daddy go?").  Although she has an adequate vocabulary to express her basic wants and needs, when upset or frustrated, she relies on screaming or yelling to communicate.    Her favorite words and phrases are "no", "mine", and "where go?"

"Receptively, Rosie is able to follow a 1 step direction although may choose not to do so.  She can identify and label many of her body parts, including her belly button, elbows, hair and teeth (both of which have been very slow at filling in).  She is beginning to understand basic concepts such as up, down, in, out, and under.  She is also gaining a very clear understanding of "cold" thanks to a recent cold spell."

**********

This fall, Rosie took a little tumble off of the piano bench.  Trip to the walk-in clinic and a referral to the pediatric orthopedic doctor here in town confirmed a broken arm.  Fortunately, we were able to avoid a cast and use and xxxsmall brace, which she wore for 4 weeks.  The brace and the brake didn't slow her down a bit.  And more importantly, she healed quickly and she still loves playing piano.  

**********

Our big news/accomplishment recently is that we have gotten rid of the NUK.  I just about cried cutting the pacifier off of her little giraffe, and I swear the giraffe looked just as sad as I felt.  A couple of rough nights, and she doesn't even seem to miss it.  Only once one day did she ask for it.  Phew!  It was a faithful and favorite companion for 19 months.  I told her big sister it was time to take it away and she did not think it was a good idea and in fact suggested we wait until Rosie turned 2.  "But she loves her nuk, mom!"  What a good big sister!  

*******

She has the best smile and dimples . . . unfortunately both very difficult to catch on camera if not set to "sport" setting.  She is such a little love!  And she'll always be my baby!  

365 days

Today is day 365:  The last day in the year of firsts.

How can that be?

How can tomorrow be the first anniversary of one of the worst phone calls I ever received?
How can tomorrow be the first anniversary of a heart more broken than it has ever been?
How can tomorrow be the first anniversary of a forever without her?

How can it be?

The last 365 days have been filled with some of the saddest, hardest, most surreal days I have ever experienced.  And here I am, 365 days later, still in disbelief, still waiting, longing for the phone to ring to tell me it was all a mistake.

How can it be?

After 365 days, one would think the tears would have run out.  I guess it is a good thing that those tears come from a well that hasn't run dry.  But today as I sit with tears rolling down my cheek, I can't help but wonder how long these tears will fall.  There's this part of me that knows I should be rejoicing this week, after all, tomorrow is really her first heavenly birthday.  But I am selfish and imperfect and don't have it in my heart to rejoice.  Because all I keep thinking is:  How can this be?

For the last 365 days I have done everything I can to surround myself with her things or things that remind me of her.  Her couch is in my family room.  Her lawnmower is in the garage.  Her patio set, a piece of her jewelry, the scarf I gave her for her birthday one year, the pottery we bought at a craft fair.

How can it be?

Yes, there have been days in the last 365 that I have been able to laugh as I remember a funny memory or story.  Yes, I still find joy in in my family, my friends, and my life.  I look back and couldn't be more grateful for the gift we were given in her 35 years of life.  It's when I look forward, thinking of the years ahead that she won't be here, feeling like forever is a very long time.  And I think:  How can it be?

I have had the same profile picture for the last 365 days.  It's probably time to change it.  I should probably print it and frame it and put it somewhere it will make me smile.  I guess that is part of moving on.  And I guess moving on is what we have to do.

How can that be?

Little Pumpkins

We've had a fun and busy fall . . . I can't even believe it has been 2 months since we started the whole back to school/daycare routine.  I also can't believe how well my girls have adjusted.  Way better than their mother, who is running around work and home 2 steps behind most of the time.  Uff da!  The days are getting shorter, the weather is getting cooler, and our girls are getting bigger.  

Pinky, our social butterfly, loves her days with her friends.  She has been "writing books", learning about letters and sounds, and crafting up a storm in her classroom.  She has great teachers who foster her learning in a variety of ways.  It is exciting and scary all at the same time.  She's growing up so fast.  A year from now her classroom will be in an elementary school and her classmates will be kindergartners.  And I know for certain she will be much more ready than I will be for that transition. She continues to crack us up with her inquisitive thinking and crazy comments.  

Not only social, but oh so affectionate.  She still likes snuggle time and lots of hugs and kisses.  Her friends at school may not love her hugs as much as she likes to give them, but they seem to expect them from her.  As do her cousins.  I can't get enough, as it's quite possible she will run out of hugs for mom and dad one day, but hopefully not for a very long time.  

Sweet

And sassy!

 

Rosie is growing up too.  Although still quite a peanut, she makes up for her small size in personality and action.  Our baby is much more a little girl than a babe these days.  And this little girl does not sit still . . . ever!  Ok, that's not entirely true, she has started to LOVE reading books and will climb into one of the chairs in the living room and sit and read for a few minutes . . . or if she sees you sitting on the floor, she is likely to grab a book and come plop herself down on your lap for a quick story.  Her new thing is to "read" her books which is absolutely hilarious if you don't let her catch you listening.  Love Rosie-babbles!  However, you are much more likely to find her climbing stairs, chairs, tables, beds, benches, etc.  

This fall she started in the infant room at daycare, but has already transitioned to the toddler room.  I was worried about the transition . . . She of course proved that my worrying was unnecessary.  She loves the activity and stimulation in the toddler room and gets just as much TLC from her new teachers.  They do all kinds of art projects I can't even imagine attempting with a 1-year-old much less a room full of them.  She eats at a little table while sitting, unrestrained, on a little chair AND she naps on a little cot.  Can't even imagine but so proud of her for being such a "big girl"! 

Tiny

but Tough!

The days go fast, especially Saturday and Sunday, and bedtime always comes much too soon.  We squeeze in as much fun as we can while trying to maintain some kind of routine.  Every day is an adventure and every day is a gift!