Life is Messy

Everywhere I go right now, I find a mess of stuff waiting for me. 

My car is a disaster after a busy summer of running here and there and farther than there.  Sippy cups, sunflower seeds, half consumed bottles of this and that, shoes, bags, toys, books . . .

Our house is not terribly messy except for those few places that most people don't see so you put stuff you don't have time to deal with . . . like my desk, closets, the office, the laundry room . . . Summer clothes, fall clothes, work clothes, clean clothes, dirty clothes, clothes to donate, clothes to keep.

My work office is ridiculous.  Trying to get oriented after a year away is one thing, but trying to find things after someone else has been in your space for a year is another. 

Even my insides feel messy this week.  My brain and my heart have been on overload trying to process all of the changes at home and happenings in our circle of friends.  I have tried to let myself cry when I need to cry and to pull it together when it's no longer appropriate to cry . . . Like the post office, for one.  (Oops!  I tried!) 

And although I hate mess . . . and am often quite uncomfortable with mess . . . sometimes you just have to live with it.  Tonite for example, I had time to clean my car, but not if it meant missing the chance to fly a kite with my family in the yard.  And when mailing my packages this week, it didn't really matter that I couldn't stop crying.  I have confirmation that my packages arrived at their destinations which was the goal.  (Giving the cashier a story to share at the dinner table was just an added bonus I guess!)

Today at work, I had lots to do and it would have been easy close my door to shut out all of my co-worker friends so that I could get more done.  Instead, I left the door open, got lots of warm hellos, big hugs, and reconnected with friends I had forgotten how much I had missed.   And after the small talk, I learned from some that their lives had moved in a variety of directions since I had seen them last, and some are now dealing with their own messes.  And when asked by those who really do want to know how my year off was, it's hard to find the right words . . . because although it was an absolutely amazing year with my family . . . the year has also left me a bit more fragile and broken hearted . . . and a bit of a mess.

Life is messy . . . but if you aren't careful, you will miss the part that is incredibly good! 

For Sale . . . Again

Our house is officially back on the market today.  It's not a huge deal.  A minor setback in the scheme of things I guess . . . but man, what a bummer!

We love our house.  As excited as we are to move, we are really going to miss this house.

Our first house!  We did so much to make it ours, even though many families called it theirs before we called it ours.  Windows, furnace, garage, painting, electrical.  More we could do, but the rest is for another family. 


The home we brought both of our girls "home" to.  Setting up nurseries.  Late night feedings.  First birthday parties and almost everything first under their first roof. 

The porch . . . We crammed 20+ people around the table for Thanksgiving, celebrated Kaili's graduation, my 30th birthday, and hosted several late-nights with friends.  A space heater and a warm pair of socks and you could stay pretty cozy out there in the winter.  I love eating meals out there, reading, rocking, watching tv.  It's quite possibly my favorite place in the house. 

The kitchen, maybe the only kitchen in the world that you have to move shoes to open the freezer, but functional none the less.  Pinky and I have made a lot of banana muffins, caramel corn, and cheese quesadillas in that kitchen.  It's the kitchen I have burned, undercooked, and tried many recipes.  (All the while moving shoes!)

The yard . . . I'd be lying if I said I was leaving all of the rocks I had hand-picked from rock piles on the farm.  Sorry, for the most part, they are already loaded.  I've also dug up some of the plants so I can take them with me as well.  Hostas, peonies, buttercups.  So many perennials that show up just in time for summer and bring a splash of color with little care.  And then there's the apple tree . . . apple sauce and apple pies.  I even tried apple cheese cake.  But most of the apples went into carboys for wine.  I love having an apple tree.  (LOVE)  And a place to hang the girls' swing. 

It's been such a great house.  It's hard to imagine our Christmas tree decorated anywhere else.  A year from now, I hope we are settled in and making our new house our own.  And I hope, and pray, that someone buys our house and makes it their home.  It's a great place to bring home babies, host friends and family, and create memories. 

4 and a half

There is this BIG GIRL living in my house and I don't know where she came from.  Honestly!  She's riding a big bike, going on lots of play dates, adventuring on the big slides and toys at the park, telling jokes and stories (lots and lots of stories). 

So independent.

So strong willed.

So determined.

So silly.

So smart.

The other day we were driving in the car and she said, "Mom, did you know 3+5 is 8? and 5+5 is 10?" 

I just love how her brain works . . . although her brain seems to be wired somewhat like mine . . . hard to shut down. 

We have had lots of interesting conversations in the last few weeks.  Most crack us up.  I wish I wrote them down sooner.  Here's a couple funny comments and conversations:

Sitting at the dinner table enjoying a meal together, she says, "Hey mom, do ya want me to punch your husband?" 

WHAT?  (No, honey, I did not coach her to say that, I swear!  But it was funny!)


Driving in the car on our way to church she asked "What day was it when I came out of your tummy."  We told her and she says, "Hey, that's the same day as my birthday!" 

YUP!  Clearly we have missed some important conversations about what a birthday is . . . huh!?!?!

Her new "phrase" for almost any situation goes something like this:

"Sure is a good day for some fresh water."

"Sure is a good day for ride on our bikes."

"Sure is a good day for some ice cream."

The last couple of weeks, I have been trying to be more deliberate about spending time with Pinky while her sister is napping.  Although it is usually the best (only) time to get a hundred other things done, I have been trying to spend most of that time doing something Pinky chooses.  Sometimes we color in the porch.  Sometimes we lay in the hammock or work in the yard.  We read books, watch movies, and enjoy the quiet time just the two of us.  It's been great!  I sometimes feel bad that we haven't had as much time together as I had hoped in the last year.  So, I am going to enjoy this time, these summer afternoons with my 4-year-old!  And I'll try to write down more of her funny comments. 

Ice cream at the lake - the best! 

Lazy afternoon in the hammock.

She does pretty well, except that she spends most
of her time riding in "lala land".  (SCARY!)

Can't beat a chocolate ice cream mustache
on a Thursday afternoon. 

13 months (and a few days)

Little Rosie has had a BUSY month.  In fact, everything about this girl is busy.  I'm not sure if she keeps me young or makes me feel old . . . depends on the day and how much sleep she lets me get I guess.  She is into everything.  I often hear her sister saying:

"Mom, she's in the bathroom."
"Mom, she's climbing the stairs."
"Mom, she's got your phone."
"Mom, she's ......."

No wonder she's tired at the end of the day! 

A week ago, if asked, I would have said she crawls more than she walks.  Not so much the case these days.  She is on the MOVE!  She can handle most terrains and loves this new freedom, especially outside.  I must admit, I am enjoying it too.  In addition to walking, climbing has also become one of her favorite challenges.  So far, she has made her way to the TOP of the piano, she enjoys sitting on her sister's play table, and she likes to stand in her toy rocking chair (and once she has her balance, she likes to rock it just a bit).  If there aren't any now, I certainly see gray hair in my future.  OY!

Although she is still on the little side, her personality makes her large and in charge!  She has started pointing and babbling at the same time in a tone that feels an awful lot like scolding.  (Yikes, where did she learn that!)  She loves to have screaming matches with her sister, especially in the tub where it echoes or at the dinner table when we are way too close to appreciate this silly interaction.  If you were to judge who was loudest, I am not sure big sister would come out on top.  She continues to sign "more", "all done", and sometimes "milk" and has a few words she is starting to say:

     Bella = "Beba"
     Dad = "Dada"
     Mom = "Mama"
     Up = "pu"
     Down = "du"
     Done = "du" or "ahdu" (all done)

She also likes to say "nananananananana" an awful lot.  I don't know what it means.  Sometimes it is happy, sometimes, not so much. 

At meal time, Rosie often eats more than her sister.  She often initiates the prayer by folding her hands first, and if we are too slow, she has no time for it, she is ready to EAT!  She is loving fresh summer fruit and enjoys a good hotdog (I use the word good loosely) and summer sausage.  Unlike her sister, she has not fallen in love with cheese.  And unlike her sister, she LOVES mac n cheese.  (This makes her pasta loving parents very happy!)

When given the chance to play with what she wants to play with (and not what her sister will let her play with), she is often playing with the toys in the toy kitchen and playing with babies.  She loves to feed her babies a bottle, put them in the stroller and push them around, pat their backs and give them hugs.  I am amazed by this play . . . especially since it was not modeled by her sister or mom, at least not much.  Watching her play with babies is one of the most precious things I have ever seen. 

We've had a busy summer so far.  Trip to the farm.  Great Grandma's 80th Birthday.  Trip to the lake.  Lots of play dates, picnics at the park, back yard pool fun, and a few bonfires, although bedtime comes too soon for her to have experienced a roasted marshmallow yet.  But hey, there are lots of summer days ahead! 

Playing with "baby Deloris" (April 2014)

Playing at the farm.  June 2014

At Great Grandma's 80th birthday. June 2014

Picnic at the park, July 2014

Splash Pad Fun!  July 2014

Did I post any from her first birthday? 
Our little Sunshine!

Honestly, LOVE her toothless grin! 

First Pontoon Ride, July 2014

First Nap on the Pontoon, July 2014

What a year

Today is my birthday.  Birthdays are always fun and special no matter how they are celebrated.  No 2 are the same, each as unique as the year that has ended and the year that is to come.

Today, I am completely overwhelmed by the impact of the last 365 days.  I can't wrap my mind around the highs and lows of the year.  So, just for fun, I wanted to see if I could list some of the most memorable moments.

May 29th, 2:00 pm - My leave of absence for the upcoming school year was approved.  Little did I know that it was also my last day of school for the school year that was just coming to a close.  And little did I know how important it would be for all of us that I would be home during the months ahead. 

May 29th, 10:30 pm - My sweet little Rosie came into the world - although little, she has continued to shoe that she has a HUGE personality!  Nothing slows her down.


Summer 2013:

Cory settling into his new job
3 trips to the farm
Carman and Brad's wedding
Bachelorette party and wedding shower
Sam and Nate's wedding reception
Play dates, lake dates, zoo dates, softball games, and picnics
Sleepless nights with a newborn
And the beginning of the "year of firsts" for Rosie


Fall 2013:

Pinky's first day of preschool
Pinky's first day of Sunday School
Our first day of BSF (Bible Study Fellowship)
Rosie's Baptism
Melanoma . . . Followed by the best words you can hear your doctor say "No further treatment needed"
Bison Football
Another trip to the farm
Halloween - We had a monkey and a cupcake at our house
Losing Kaili


Winter 2013-2014:

Trips to see Santa
Rosie's first Christmas
Another trip west to spend the holidays with our families
Sledding
Snowmen
Ethiopia
Pinky's 4th birthday
Frozen - the movie came out during one of the longest and coldest winters ever - very fitting
And a trip to the farm in February - celebrating birthdays and visiting friends
Swimming lessons

Spring 2014:

Spring Break at the farm
Trip to see Great Grandma
Trip to the farm . . . in MN
Rosie's first Easter
Listing our house/Selling our house
Looking for houses/Buying a house
Fargo Marathon
Turning in the keys to Kai's house
More play dates
Warmer weather
Our last day of BSF
Pinky's last day of Sunday School
Pinky's last day of Preschool
Swimming lessons

I'm not sure my heart will ever fully recover from the year.  I have been blessed beyond words.  And I have been broken in ways I never could have imagined.  And here I sit, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon:  Sun is shining; girls are resting; husband is grocery shopping; drinks are chilling. 

Life is good.

God is good.

36 years old? 

Bring it on! 

Home Sweet Home

So, this spring we decided it was time to start considering if/when/where we should start looking for our next home.  This has been a very stressful undertaking for a variety of reasons:

1)  We love our house.  We love our neighborhood and neighbors.  We love the location.

2)  I don't like change. 

3)  The thought of packing everything up is completely overwhelming to me.

4)  I get overwhelmed when faced with too many decisions at one time. 

However, we also knew that if we were going to do it, this was the time.  Although we have a year before Pinky starts kindergarten (sniff sniff), we also want to be settled into a neighborhood and start to make friends with families and children who will be at her future school.

So, we started looking.  Not long, but pretty thoroughly.  Mainly on-line, but one day we managed to hit SEVEN open houses in one afternoon!  And we found what we hope will be "the one". 

We found several we liked, but this one we loved.  And we could picture ourselves living there for a long, long time!  So, if all works out, this is where we will be living by the end of the summer. 

Of course, first we have to sell our house.  We are hopeful, after a week on the market and 12+ showings that an offer will come soon.  So weird to open your home to strangers and hope they love it as much as you do.

It's exciting and overwhelming to this Mamma!  There is this inner battle in my head/heart hoping that we are making the right decisions.  That our priorities are solid.  That we aren't being too selfish.  Praying that the right doors will be opened to guide us to our new home, whether it is the one above or not. 

Of all the houses we have looked at one thing is for certain:  I want an apple tree for my birthday!  :)

 

 

Around Every Turn

So, last weekend was the Fargo Marathon.  One of my favorite weekends of the year, as you probably remember.  We always look forward to it for a variety of reasons - the excitement of Marathon week is the best! 

Usually....

This year we were planning a post-marathon party where the guest of honor wouldn't be there.

We were wearing t-shirts with her name on them, along with 2 dates marking the length of her life.

I had all of the ingredients for "marathon bars", only I couldn't deliver any to her door.

We were registered for various races, but she wasn't.

How do you gear up for one of your favorite weekends when one of your favorite people won't be a part of it?


To be honest, preparing for marathon weekend 2014 was one of the hardest things I had to do this year . . . and that list is lengthy this year.  I didn't want to train.  I didn't want to wear a purple shirt with her name on it.  I didn't want to go to a party with all of her friends and family, just to be reminded of her absence.  I didn't want to follow the marathon route, only to be looking for her around every turn. 

But I did.   I did all of it.  And some of it was good.  The 5k.  The Relay.  The post-party.  The marathon bars.  We were surrounded by friends and family all weekend.  We shared hugs and stories and laughter.  And it was fun.  And memorable.  And just as hard, if not harder, than anticipated. 

And I cried. 

I cried waiting at the church for my relay exchange.  Waiting in the same spot we waited for her years ago.  Waiting for her red shirt to round the bend as she finished her leg of the relay. 

I cried at mile 23.  I don't know why she stopped to take a picture at mile 23 last year.  The year she ran her first and only full marathon.  But we stopped.  We took a picture.  We cried.

I cried when I joined the rest of the team, just before the finish, and all the way across. 

 

And now it's over.  And it's one more thing on that list of things we can't believe are a part of our story. 

And I miss her . . . Around every turn.